The Harvesters Church pastor says healthy relationships require thoughtfulness, consideration and a willingness to recognise a partner’s needs.
Pastor Idowu Bolaji of Harvesters Church has advised people to address selfish behaviour before entering romantic relationships, arguing that a person’s attitude towards others can reveal important aspects of their character.
The cleric delivered the message during a sermon titled “Fixing and Restoring a Broken Relationship and Marriage,” in which he discussed the attitudes that can undermine romantic relationships.
“Leave dating alone, go and fix your selfishness first,” Idowu said, warning against relationships in which one person expects constant attention and consideration without showing the same willingness towards a partner.
To illustrate his point, he described a scenario involving a woman who insists on receiving an expensive smartphone for her birthday despite her partner explaining that he cannot afford it.
The pastor used the example to discuss the importance of understanding a partner’s financial circumstances and avoiding demands that disregard the other person’s limitations.
He also considered the opposite situation: a man who buys an expensive phone for himself but fails to consider whether his partner might need an upgrade.
According to Idowu, such behaviour can reveal a lack of thoughtfulness and consideration, particularly when one partner consistently prioritises personal desires.
“Love doesn’t need to be asked. Love takes initiative,” he said, arguing that genuine affection involves voluntarily considering a partner’s needs rather than waiting for repeated requests.
The pastor further encouraged people to observe how prospective partners treat others, noting that behaviour outside a romantic relationship can provide insight into their character.
Consideration and communication in relationships
Idowu’s message centres on reciprocity, empathy and the importance of recognising that a healthy relationship involves more than personal expectations.
Financial disagreements can arise when partners have different incomes, priorities or expectations. Open communication about money and realistic boundaries can help prevent misunderstandings and resentment.
At the same time, consideration does not mean that partners must anticipate every need without discussion. Healthy relationships also require honest communication, respect for individual circumstances and a willingness to resolve disagreements constructively.
The pastor’s advice encourages people to examine their own behaviour rather than focusing exclusively on a partner’s shortcomings.
His broader message is that emotional maturity, thoughtfulness and respect should form part of the foundation of a relationship before individuals make long-term commitments.